I have biult a wall
of razor blades
I have created a mask of smoke
and I float away
on the secrets dripping off my black stained lips
lies have created my spine
and the claws inserted from the darkness
holds it in place
I have forgotten faces
and misplaced places
theres nothing left to do
my hair falls in my cement face
and covers what use to be my eyes
you would never know me,
if I took off my disgiuse
all I know is going up in flames
and seeing scars
only brings more shame
Im tired
but Im still chained
in this game
my prison walls are made of bones
and though I fall
I remain alone
cold and seperate
though I share my heart
I know Im the one that broke it
so I put the pieces
on a glass
and hope someone still wants it
they lust for my love
and they push and they shove
when will I have enough
my wings have been ripped out
and soaked in sulfer seas
my halo is broken now just like me
my skin is crying
and my bones are aching
this is to much for me to take
I am worthy, only to break
so break me
and crush me
then leave me there alone
Ive been through this before
I can fix my own
falling on my broken knees
and bowing my head to pray
then with one word "please"
I recall what I did today and yesterday
I feel ashamed
Im to blame
chaos is my fualt
but ill keep myself locked in this vault
dont let me out
I cant be in the light
only the stars can see me now
what have I got to lose
if im am nothing anyways
yes, it hurts to choose
or at least that is wat everyone says
I lay here breathing
I lay here wishing
I was leaving
I only want to run away
I only want to stay
there is to much inside of me
and i let everything that was once good go to waste
I can taste satans lips
and i breath in to recognize his smell
like nicotine
and pills
this time hes here to kill
save me
reach for me
dont let go
I know im heavy
and I know...
I know heros
and zeros
all alike
please come to my rescue
i would ask for help if only i could trust you
but i lost you
i lost everyone
i lost myself
and came undone
now Im wide open
Ive built a wall of razor blades
and need to find a way out
I biult a city around my soul
and now Im trapped... i
m up in flames
dont look at me
im nothing but bones and shame
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
story now
i guess ill tell a stroy now
i guess ill make it through some how
i guess im here
there use to be a farytale
a nightmare in disguise
everypart of her for sale
and a man so un wise
the lies
like acid on her lips
and she falls down
its just one more of her sober trips
there is nothing more that the desire to be the desire
to have the whole world see
to be accepted by her peers
and not judged according to her fear
i guess ill tell the story
of one more tradegedy
to add to the pile
one more sentance to pull you through for a little while
theres the razor
theres the drugs
happily never after
deprived of wholesome love
one more broken princess
who can't fill herself
enough emptiness
scars
screams
she is a gem on the outside
but inside
inside she is nothing
just one more bleeding soul
i guess ill tell the story now
i guess ill tell the story of how
she made it through to now
of her scars
from tragedy
one more broken girl
that you may never understand
finally found some one to love
some one to hold her hand
one more tragic, acidic, love
and a lot of other stuff
one more little girl
grown up in a razor blade world
she finally found some one to love
some one who made her believe that she really is enough
L O V E
L I F E
T R A D G E D Y
and you will see in the mirror that this girl was me
so, i guess i just told you my story
I guess i just shared my life
I will smile in the face of adversity
and laugh when i am paralell to strife
look in the mirror
and see what i have become
defeat this defeat
because it has all been won
L O V E
L I F E
T R A D G E D Y
and its just one more beautiful horror story
i guess ill make it through some how
i guess im here
there use to be a farytale
a nightmare in disguise
everypart of her for sale
and a man so un wise
the lies
like acid on her lips
and she falls down
its just one more of her sober trips
there is nothing more that the desire to be the desire
to have the whole world see
to be accepted by her peers
and not judged according to her fear
i guess ill tell the story
of one more tradegedy
to add to the pile
one more sentance to pull you through for a little while
theres the razor
theres the drugs
happily never after
deprived of wholesome love
one more broken princess
who can't fill herself
enough emptiness
scars
screams
she is a gem on the outside
but inside
inside she is nothing
just one more bleeding soul
i guess ill tell the story now
i guess ill tell the story of how
she made it through to now
of her scars
from tragedy
one more broken girl
that you may never understand
finally found some one to love
some one to hold her hand
one more tragic, acidic, love
and a lot of other stuff
one more little girl
grown up in a razor blade world
she finally found some one to love
some one who made her believe that she really is enough
L O V E
L I F E
T R A D G E D Y
and you will see in the mirror that this girl was me
so, i guess i just told you my story
I guess i just shared my life
I will smile in the face of adversity
and laugh when i am paralell to strife
look in the mirror
and see what i have become
defeat this defeat
because it has all been won
L O V E
L I F E
T R A D G E D Y
and its just one more beautiful horror story
She's Dropping
she drops to the floor
like the tears she so frequently cries
she screams at the silence
as pieces of her heart die
will she survive?
she's dropping like stars
look at her arms
and see all her scars
she was unprotected
and you were unaware
every time you looked her way
she hid her face behind her hair
she is looking for a way out
and the razors always seem to carve the way
leaving a trail of blood
and a mirror, so she can see herself decay
she is starving
and bleeding
and dying
do you see her?
do you care too?
there is a time
and a box of sharp objects
there is the spot
where she hurts herself
she is not going to cry
or at least thats what she said
you promised you would care
but she's used to words lying there dead
thoughts in her head
spinning at the speed of darkness
she is covered in shame
and her hair is a mess
she's dropping
like the hearts that once floated around her head
she's dying
but wishes she were already dead
she calls a friend
hoping she'll care
not knowing the end
was already there
the friend was to busy
and her parents were never there
who in this world
would dare to show that they care
"I Love You"
these words ring in her ears
like a curse of night
or the fire fly
"I hate you"
this is what she whispers
and she wonders if there is anyone
who would be willing to contradict her
she's dropping
like stars
and hiding the scars
longing to hurt herself, to make the pain cease
she knows that her heart ache will only increase
no one around
she wonders who would save her
she wants help
but wishes she were braver
she's alone
on the floor
staring at her box
where the razor lays so peacefully
she looks at her wrists, regretting
she knows why she made each tare in her skin
she knows why her wrists are so thin
she sees scars and remembers when
the color red,
it makes her feel ashamed
the rest of her story,
will it be un-named?
who should be blamed?
no one to turn to
she turns to her wall
looks up to the ceiling
and begins to call
HELP ME SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE
I am lost
I am on my knees
she crawls to box and lifts up her hands
her skin is cut up, left it in strands
HELP ME SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE
and the peaceful box
becomes chaos, and misery
HELP ME...she cries!
SOME ONE?
ANYONE?
PLEASE!!
I am desperate for saving!
and all of the sudden
she feels the breeze
a soft wind across her face
she hears in her broken heart
that she is not alone
and though she has been torn, she can restart
"I love you"
these words ring in her heart
like a blessing, some motivation to fight
"I hate you"
she still wants to believe
but she has found her hero
and knows only he can relieve
relieve her pain
take her burden
understand her heaviness
she drops to the floor like the tears
she so frequently cried
she surrenders her fears
and moves to the light
she has come alive
and has leaned to let herself feel
with the strength of the hero
she will let herself be real
no need to hide
no need to be ashamed
We are in the light
and covered in he flame
The hero calls her name
"I Love You"
she finally believes
finally receives the helping hand
and she gives her heart to this, more than a man
She sees his scars
and she's dropping to the floor
knowing that he gave his life
that she could give so much more
she trades her scars
for his relief
her pain is to far
now, to feel old grief!!
she is free!!
she is Free!!
and she is still dropping,
but only to her knees
like the tears she so frequently cries
she screams at the silence
as pieces of her heart die
will she survive?
she's dropping like stars
look at her arms
and see all her scars
she was unprotected
and you were unaware
every time you looked her way
she hid her face behind her hair
she is looking for a way out
and the razors always seem to carve the way
leaving a trail of blood
and a mirror, so she can see herself decay
she is starving
and bleeding
and dying
do you see her?
do you care too?
there is a time
and a box of sharp objects
there is the spot
where she hurts herself
she is not going to cry
or at least thats what she said
you promised you would care
but she's used to words lying there dead
thoughts in her head
spinning at the speed of darkness
she is covered in shame
and her hair is a mess
she's dropping
like the hearts that once floated around her head
she's dying
but wishes she were already dead
she calls a friend
hoping she'll care
not knowing the end
was already there
the friend was to busy
and her parents were never there
who in this world
would dare to show that they care
"I Love You"
these words ring in her ears
like a curse of night
or the fire fly
"I hate you"
this is what she whispers
and she wonders if there is anyone
who would be willing to contradict her
she's dropping
like stars
and hiding the scars
longing to hurt herself, to make the pain cease
she knows that her heart ache will only increase
no one around
she wonders who would save her
she wants help
but wishes she were braver
she's alone
on the floor
staring at her box
where the razor lays so peacefully
she looks at her wrists, regretting
she knows why she made each tare in her skin
she knows why her wrists are so thin
she sees scars and remembers when
the color red,
it makes her feel ashamed
the rest of her story,
will it be un-named?
who should be blamed?
no one to turn to
she turns to her wall
looks up to the ceiling
and begins to call
HELP ME SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE
I am lost
I am on my knees
she crawls to box and lifts up her hands
her skin is cut up, left it in strands
HELP ME SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE
and the peaceful box
becomes chaos, and misery
HELP ME...she cries!
SOME ONE?
ANYONE?
PLEASE!!
I am desperate for saving!
and all of the sudden
she feels the breeze
a soft wind across her face
she hears in her broken heart
that she is not alone
and though she has been torn, she can restart
"I love you"
these words ring in her heart
like a blessing, some motivation to fight
"I hate you"
she still wants to believe
but she has found her hero
and knows only he can relieve
relieve her pain
take her burden
understand her heaviness
she drops to the floor like the tears
she so frequently cried
she surrenders her fears
and moves to the light
she has come alive
and has leaned to let herself feel
with the strength of the hero
she will let herself be real
no need to hide
no need to be ashamed
We are in the light
and covered in he flame
The hero calls her name
"I Love You"
she finally believes
finally receives the helping hand
and she gives her heart to this, more than a man
She sees his scars
and she's dropping to the floor
knowing that he gave his life
that she could give so much more
she trades her scars
for his relief
her pain is to far
now, to feel old grief!!
she is free!!
she is Free!!
and she is still dropping,
but only to her knees
World Hope :)
World hope
in a hopless world
helping the helpless
giving life to the lifeless
the gound was once barren
and alone
and afriad
and then world hope came
and saved the day
they share love
and bring hope to the lives of those who live only to cope
never stop
never give up
the world keeps spinning
all we need it love
in a hopless world
helping the helpless
giving life to the lifeless
the gound was once barren
and alone
and afriad
and then world hope came
and saved the day
they share love
and bring hope to the lives of those who live only to cope
never stop
never give up
the world keeps spinning
all we need it love
Love
love has suddenly reentered my heart
and my smile
suddenly returns
it's a crazy day
a crazy night
because my heart's not broken
and my heart has started beating again
I once said my once upon a time
I told you my happily ever after
and how you fit my fairy tale
then i let go of my dreams
and went another way
one year
with lots of tears
and it all started with one dayl
ove has suddenly wrapped me in its warmth
my smile has come graciously
and plastered itself on my mouth
my thoughts are happy
and my heart yearns for forever
no after shock for this earthquake
Love Happiness
Smiles
And life
You have become a man
Who has impacted more than life
You've been my smile
You've held my heart
You've seen me in darkness
You've been my light
You've been the voice in my head
That keeps me going/keeps me living through the night
My love has suddenly reappeared And I can't wipe this smile off of my face
My scars are cheering
And my yesterdays are nearing
I'm finally safe
in the arms of my smile
I'm finally safe
in my happily ever little while...
I'm finally safe,
Finally okay...
and my smile
suddenly returns
it's a crazy day
a crazy night
because my heart's not broken
and my heart has started beating again
I once said my once upon a time
I told you my happily ever after
and how you fit my fairy tale
then i let go of my dreams
and went another way
one year
with lots of tears
and it all started with one dayl
ove has suddenly wrapped me in its warmth
my smile has come graciously
and plastered itself on my mouth
my thoughts are happy
and my heart yearns for forever
no after shock for this earthquake
Love Happiness
Smiles
And life
You have become a man
Who has impacted more than life
You've been my smile
You've held my heart
You've seen me in darkness
You've been my light
You've been the voice in my head
That keeps me going/keeps me living through the night
My love has suddenly reappeared And I can't wipe this smile off of my face
My scars are cheering
And my yesterdays are nearing
I'm finally safe
in the arms of my smile
I'm finally safe
in my happily ever little while...
I'm finally safe,
Finally okay...
I Tried To Love You
I tried to love you
But I broke down instead
I tried to love you
I even acted as if I did
But when it came to the crossroads
I convinced myself it was all in my head
I tried to love you
But my heart lay broken and dead
I tried to love you
I cried all the time
I just could not push myself
To cross the final line
I tried to love you
With my words
And you fell for it like I had before
I tried to love you
With my body
But even then you weren't all over me
I tried to love you
I promise
I did
I tried to love you
You loved me
Maybe you still do
Maybe you still have the ring
Maybe we would have been a fairy tale come true
But maybe we will never know
I know you won't
Cause I am not allowed
To say how I feel
I am not allowed
To tell you
That being apart has hurt me
And made me see
If I'd tried One more day
To love you the way you deserved
It would have been real
Oh! To love you How you deserve to be loved
Maybe my pathetic heart
Would have been enough
Maybe you still love me
And I am done trying
If only you could hold me
Kiss me
Save me...
If only I'd get over myself
Over this fairy tale I've written inside
Over all the love that I have let die
Maybe I could love you this time
I tried
And I know it won't wait forever
I just feel like something is missing
Something is wrong
When we aren't together
I tried to love you
I only wish i could try again
But I broke down instead
I tried to love you
I even acted as if I did
But when it came to the crossroads
I convinced myself it was all in my head
I tried to love you
But my heart lay broken and dead
I tried to love you
I cried all the time
I just could not push myself
To cross the final line
I tried to love you
With my words
And you fell for it like I had before
I tried to love you
With my body
But even then you weren't all over me
I tried to love you
I promise
I did
I tried to love you
You loved me
Maybe you still do
Maybe you still have the ring
Maybe we would have been a fairy tale come true
But maybe we will never know
I know you won't
Cause I am not allowed
To say how I feel
I am not allowed
To tell you
That being apart has hurt me
And made me see
If I'd tried One more day
To love you the way you deserved
It would have been real
Oh! To love you How you deserve to be loved
Maybe my pathetic heart
Would have been enough
Maybe you still love me
And I am done trying
If only you could hold me
Kiss me
Save me...
If only I'd get over myself
Over this fairy tale I've written inside
Over all the love that I have let die
Maybe I could love you this time
I tried
And I know it won't wait forever
I just feel like something is missing
Something is wrong
When we aren't together
I tried to love you
I only wish i could try again
Tears Of Stone
There is a girl, crying cement tears. She stands outside your window, even in the pouring rain! Her tears are getting heavier, and as they dry, they build a wall. She fears, one day, you won't see her...She cries tears of cement and screams hurricanes. Anything to get anybody to see into her pain! She feels alone, but there are people on the other side of the window. All that she once loved has died. All of her wall is made of tears, now dry. She's losing herself, slipping away. She's calling for love, hoping for day. She's been crying through the nights. Her tears are so heavy, she can barely fight. Her tears are so thick, she can hardly see the light. Her tears have built this wall, a little box of shadows... She cries tears of cement, and screams her heart into the gallows. One more piece of a lost girls heart. One more tear, one more start. There is a girl, crying tears of stone... She sees others living life, yet feels so alone. She has one more night to find the light, some kind of comfort in this world gone wrong. She has one more day to break these chains that supposedly keeps her from being strong. LIES! They enter her head like locust... "you're not pretty enough", "you're good enough", "you'll never amount to anything", "you can't be saved", "you're a baby", "no one knows or even cares that you exist", "your worthless", "you'll never be as good as them", "you're worthless", "you're not even strong enough to fall down to your knees!!" The cement does cover her feet..Feeling like she's suffocating, she cries out just once more! She asks for a saviour, to save her from her tears. She asks for hope, she asks for love, she asks for restoration! And she hears a voice that says, "You are my child, lost but now found! I am your salvation, I have shone my light on you, and restored you to your former beauty. DO NOT listen to those lies, for I have ended that plague in your head, I have taken your hand, and made you alive, you are no longer dead. Child, ARISE! I have scraped the cement away from your eyes! I am your hope, and your father this day, you are never alone..."Then she heard Him say, "I love you, and I see no flaws, you are perfection. Now, rebuke your claws, the ones the enemy is holding on with!! You are free, free from tears and stone and plague! Now, go, and show the world your heart, which has been resurected from the gallows!" So she went to show the world, and she was UN-afraid because she knew she was the kings little girl... She fell in love and let her love fall into the world!
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